yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
