she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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