this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
