She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't turn off my feet"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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