Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
