hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
