Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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