Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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