Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
