she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
