I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
