I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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