My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
