My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
