We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
