Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
