That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
