Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
