TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
