Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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