I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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