Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
