every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
