You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
