ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
