I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
