i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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