they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
