Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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