Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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