bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
