we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
