You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
meet me or not, i'm out of control
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
