I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
