never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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