We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
