i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize