He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
