I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
