i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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