I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
