I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Help. Why am I so naked?
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