I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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