Why are handjobs necessary in class?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
