These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
