And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
