She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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