I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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