More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
