i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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