He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So. Much. Porn.
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