She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
