i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
