Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
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I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
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Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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