I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
