Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
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This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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