He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
