How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
