I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity