its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
