True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize