There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.