He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
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